WHY SUITORS SHOULD NOT WASTE THEIR ENERGY IN PROPOSING TO MY DAUGHTERS WITHOUT MY APPROVAL
If you like an Nnewi girl enough to marry her, that you have known her for many years or have gained unapproved knowledge of her doesn’t give you the effrontery to waylay her anywhere to propose marriage to her. Fa fa fa foul!
My people have an established culture of proposing to our girls. In fact, the suitor doesn’t have to do the proposal himself, his father, uncle or a senior male relation can do so on his behalf.
Using my daughter as an example. If she meets a guy who wants to marry her, she won’t even bring the boy home to introduce him to me. The boy must come on his own with his father or elder relations with a keg of 5-litre of palm wine and a bottle of prayer drink to my house to “KNOCK ON MY DOOR” which is simply to signify their desire to “pluck a palm nut from the bunch of my palm nuts”. I will accept the drinks, have banters with them, collect details of their nativity and affiliations and they will leave with my words like “you will hear from us within eight market days”.
Within the 8 days interval, I would have done a background check on the boy and his family and if I’m satisfied, I will notify the boy’s parents or elders that they could come back; a message passed through “onye aka ebe” aka “a go-between” appointed by them. This invitation to return is not yet an acceptance of the marriage proposal.
The marriage proposal is actually accepted by the girl herself but after an important process. It is during the second visit called “ị bịa okwu nwaanyị” that the actual proposal is made but the answer is not given that day.
When the suitors visit for the second time but not without prescribed mandatory liquid and solid items, the would be bride is allowed to follow the boy and his people to their house and is required to stay there for a maximum of 3 market days. She will return with a keg of palm wine to her father’s house.
Upon sighting the girl, the father would ask her daughter, “should we drink this palm wine or do we not drink?” If the girls says, “please drink” then it means that she has accepted the marriage proposal. If she says “don’t drink” that is the end of that marital exercise and the feedback is sent to the boy and his family through the go-between.
While the girl was in the boy’s house, she was expected to see if his family setup is what she desires. It is not encouraged but we note that some sharp girls would use this early opportunity to check out the agbanda or their suitors’ cable to know if they connect well or carry enough voltage to avoid post marital non-performance complaints. A would-be bride would interact with her relations-in-law and make her own impressions and conclusions. The future mother-in-law would also conduct test of patience and other findings on her. The boy could also abort the marriage process after this stage.
I wonder how Igbo girls of nowadays accept engagement rings just like that without following due process. They’re obviously under globalization pressure or have succumbed to the culture of the whiteman just to appear educated or “civilized”. I have just uninstalled that modern app from the heads and consciousness of my two daughters.
My daughters now know that the proper sequence is that I, Ojiakonobi, will first agree to their marriage proposals from any suitor based on background checks before they accept based on their own personal findings within and around the suitor.
