PATRIARCHY LOVES POOR WOMEN. THE BIGGEST FEAR OF MANY NIGERIAN MEN IS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN

One factor that plays a massive role in women and girls remaining in abusive relationships is poverty. The Nigerian economy is difficult for everyone, but it affects women differently because financial dependence can trap women in situations they would otherwise leave. Many women stay not because they are happy, not because they are safe, and not because they are loved. They stay because survival itself has become tied to the relationship.

I have written several times that one of the biggest threats to patriarchy is female economic independence. The more women and girls are educated, skilled and financially secure, the more freedom they have to make decisions based on dignity, safety and wellbeing rather than survival.

Let me give you a simple example. I have two Nigerian girls as colleagues abroad. One is 25 yo and the other is 28. Both were born and raised in Nigeria and have only spent about five and six years abroad. The 28 yo drives a 2025 Toyota while the 25-yo drives a 2026 Ford. Both are single. Now compare that to Nigeria. How many women between 25 and 30 yo are driving even a 2015 car? What percentage of young women own a 2020 car, talk less of a brand-new one?

At my workplace, the oldest woman is 32 yo. Most are White, with only a few Black girls. None drives a car below 2020.
Now tell me, how do you promise such women a phone and expect them to lose their minds? How do you lure them with ordinary clothes and handbags? Tell me why such women will not leave your sorry ass the moment you start misbehaving. That is why I keep saying that the day an average Nigerian girl can comfortably afford her own iPhone, buy her own car, pay her own rent and fund her own lifestyle without depending on any relationship, that is the day many Nigerian men will discover how useless they are and how little they actually bring to the table. That day will be the beginning of the decentering of men.

Most Nigerian men fear an independent woman because a woman who knows her worth and can support herself is far less likely to tolerate abuse, exploitation, humiliation and endless suffering in the name of marriage or relationships.

A lot of what we call endurance today is actually fear.
A lot of what we call patience is actually dependency.
A lot of what we call commitment is actually a lack of options.